Digital Delusion

Eric Marquette

Alright, welcome back to From Swipes to Separation. I’m Eric Marquette, and I’m here with Erica. Today’s episode is called Digital Delusion, and honestly, I think we’ve all been there—texting someone, thinking, “Wow, this is it, this is fate,” and then you meet up and it’s… well, it’s not fate. It’s more like, “Did I just get catfished by the vibes?”

Erica

Oh, 100 percent. I mean, I’ve had texting situations where I’m like, “This man is quoting The Office, he’s got the right emojis, he’s funny, he’s flirty, he’s basically a poet with a data plan.” And then we meet, and suddenly it’s like I’m on a date with a damp paper towel. No eye contact, no spark, just awkward silence. I’m sitting there thinking, “Did he send his little brother in a trench coat to sub in for the date?”

Eric Marquette

It’s wild, isn’t it? The chemistry is so electric on the phone, you’re already planning wedding hashtags, and then in person, it’s like you’re both blinking, waiting for someone to say something interesting. It’s the glitch in the dating matrix, honestly.

Erica

Let’s get into why this happens, because it’s not just you. When the banter is top-tier and you’re daydreaming about brunch dates and matching hoodies, it’s easy to get swept up. But then you meet, and it’s giving HR orientation, not hot date. Like, where did the magic go?

Eric Marquette

Yeah, and there’s actually a bit of science behind it. Texting triggers a dopamine loop in your brain. Every ping, every clever reply, it’s like a little hit of instant gratification. But it’s not real intimacy—it’s just a chemical illusion of closeness. You’re bonding with a curated version of someone, not the real person.

Erica

Exactly. Texting is a controlled environment. He gets time to edit, to think, to be Don Draper with a Wi-Fi connection. But in real life? You can’t edit your awkward laugh or your weird eye contact. That’s when you find out if the chemistry is real or just a digital mirage.

Erica

Let’s call it out—some guys aren’t dating, they’re just feeding their ego with digital crumbs. You know the type: random meme drops, late-night “wyd” texts, but never actually making plans. That’s not effort, that’s just keeping you on the hook for ego snacks.

Eric Marquette

Yeah, it’s like they’re Casanovas over Wi-Fi and then, in person, it’s… well, it’s a brick wall. I mean, is texting just another form of performance art in dating? Are we just falling for curated personalities instead of actual connection?

Erica

Totally. If he’s only showing up via text and never bringing that same energy in person, he’s not into you—he’s into the attention. He loves how you make him feel, but he’s not actually making you feel seen. That’s not chemistry, that’s manipulation.

Eric Marquette

So, let’s get something straight: constant texting, fire emojis, heart-reacts on your selfies—none of that is real interest. If he’s always in your DMs but never in your life, you’re not dating. You’re just a screen fix.

Erica

Yeah, and if you wouldn’t buy something based only on an Amazon review, stop dating men based on a text thread. Real effort looks like FaceTime, voice notes, actual plans. If he’s not stepping up, you’re just starring in a fantasy, not building a relationship.

Erica

Here’s the trap: confusing digital attention for real romantic effort. Too many women are getting emotionally tangled with men who never actually show up. If he’s texting “good morning” but never making plans, or dropping fire emojis but ghosting when you suggest meeting, he’s not into you—he’s just keeping you on emotional standby.

Eric Marquette

And real interest doesn’t flake or stall. It’s consistent, direct, and moves forward. But, Erica, I think sometimes people get hooked on the feeling of being wanted, not the actual person. Like, are you into him, or just addicted to the dopamine hit when your phone lights up?

Erica

Exactly. Anyone can be charming over text. But if he’s not taking initiative in real life, you’re just building a highlight reel of flirtation with zero foundation. And honestly, you need to build your self-esteem offline, so you’re not looking for validation in the wrong places. When you know your worth, you stop chasing men who are only available through Wi-Fi.

Eric Marquette

If you really want to know where a connection stands, stop hiding behind text threads. Prioritize shared experiences. Go to events, do activities, spend intentional time together. You can’t read chemistry through a screen, and you definitely can’t build trust through voice notes alone.

Erica

And set real communication boundaries. Don’t get sucked into a digital dependency cycle where your mood is tied to how often he texts. Put limits on texting, decide when you’re available, and remember—constant communication doesn’t equal real intimacy. It can actually dilute it.

Eric Marquette

That’s a good point. And patience matters. Stop rushing to label a situationship just because the text chemistry feels electric. If it’s real, it won’t need to be forced. Let the connection unfold in person, over time.

Erica

Yeah, let him show you—not just tell you—who he is. Real relationships are built through presence, consistency, and depth. Not constant communication, not pressure, not projection. If you want something lasting, stop settling for constant. Go for real.

Erica

Let’s be real—if you’re not intentionally unplugging, you’re setting yourself up to keep falling for illusions. You need routines that pull you away from your phone, your DMs, your dating apps, all that noise. Tech-free mornings, weekend social media detoxes, whatever works for you.

Eric Marquette

And that’s where your non-negotiables come in. You need a grounded checklist for what actually matters—shared values, life goals, emotional availability, integrity. Not just who sends the best flirty gifs.

Erica

Exactly. And reflection isn’t an afterthought, it’s a discipline. After a long texting session, take time to process—journal, voice memo, talk to a friend who’ll call you out. Are you justifying red flags? Mistaking effort for energy? That kind of self-awareness builds boundaries. Because it’s not just about spotting manipulation—it’s about refusing to participate in it.

Eric Marquette

If you want to stop falling for bare-minimum behavior and start attracting real connection, it starts with you—and what you’re doing when your phone is off. Rebuild your confidence and identity outside of digital attention.

Erica

Yeah, if the only time you feel seen or excited is when your phone lights up, you’re emotionally outsourcing your self-worth. That’s how you get stuck in breadcrumb loops. The antidote? Reclaim your energy. Get into hobbies, take up a sport, join a class, finish something you’ve been putting off—not for a man, not for your Instagram, but for you. When you’re fulfilled on your own, you stop mistaking attention for affection.

Erica

Let’s end with something practical: take back control of your attention and emotional energy by doing a digital detox—on purpose, on schedule, and without guilt. Start with one day a week. Log off dating apps, ignore social media, stop checking if he watched your stories, and just exist in your own world.

Eric Marquette

It might sound small, but it’s a power move. Your nervous system is fried from craving constant hits of attention and validation. A digital detox isn’t punishment—it’s recalibrating. When you can go 24 hours without wondering what a man is thinking or why he hasn’t texted, you’re winning.

Erica

So here’s where we leave it. You are not here to be emotionally available to men who only show up on Wi-Fi. You’re not desperate, you’re just distracted—and that ends now. Whether it’s a digital detox, building a life offline, or holding your standards higher than a goodnight text, it all comes down to choosing you. Every time.

Eric Marquette

Build a life so full and real that you forget to check if he texted. The right man won’t just show up on your screen—he’ll show up in your life, with intention and presence. Until then, protect your peace, trust your gut, and stop confusing attention with affection.

Erica

If this episode gave you that wake-up call, send it to a friend who needs to hear it. And don’t forget—there’s a free checklist waiting for you at our website to help you spot the difference between real effort and digital performance. I’ll see you next time—but until then, stay grounded, stay smart, and stay the hell out of your phone when he’s not showing up in real life.

Eric Marquette

Thanks for listening, Erica. Always a pleasure. See you all next episode.

Erica

Bye, Eric. Bye, everyone. Don’t get catfished by the vibes!